It's Been a Long Time

Alright, alright. I know that it's been a long time. But let's not dwell. I got some things that have been bubbling up inside of me, and I just need to get them out.

1. I am not an advertising major. I don't have a degree in marketing. So, when push comes to shove, I realize that I don't have a whole lot of room to tell people what they should and shouldn't do. However, a company near me recently erected a new billboard, shooting for an obvious hot topic, zombies. The gist of the billboard is this: one half of it prepares you for a zombie outbreak, by showing a giant illustrated picture of a bloody chainsaw; the other half tells you the best preparation for a digital attack is their products and services, brandishing their company logo.

Okay...people. Come on. A chainsaw is possible THE WORST weapon you could possibly choose in case of a zombie attack. First, there is the mere problem of weight. When is the last time swung a chainsaw around? Okay, when is the last time you swung it around long enough to cut through the bodies of wave after wave of hungry undead? Alright, second problem: fuel. Not only are you going to have to lug the chainsaw around, you're going to need gallons of gasoline to keep it running. Lastly, let's talk about noise. The second you pull the chain on that mother, every single walker within earshot is going to be on you like white on rice. You better be a real artist with that chainsaw when the whole population of your city/town/rural village hears you ring the dinner bell. And don't even get me started on upkeep...

For those of you with further questions, do yourself a huge favor and prepare yourself for the worst with this gem.

Alright, that's out of the way. Now, let's slow it down a bit and talk about something good. Let me tell you why you should listen to Ben Folds. Ben is just a guy. He could be someone you passed on the street, the goofy kid you played with in junior high school band, or that dude who cut you off on the freeway earlier. And Ben sings songs, like he's just another guy. He sings about things we can all relate with in a way that's touching, hilarious, inventive and real. And really, that's the crux of the Ben Folds charm. He's a real guy. He sings about believable characters, and he really feels what he sings. So, listen to him. You'll find at least one song to love.

Alright, that was a good soap box. I feel good. You should feel good. Group internet hug!

Much love interwebs,

- John Wesley

The Internet Today

So, here I sit. I came home early from work, sick as a dog. Turns out hunting in Idaho in the rain and freezing cold has a tendency to tank your immune system, who knew? (For people who are opposed to hunting, read it as "hiking with firearms")

After a quick foray into Gears of War and then Grand Theft Auto IV I decided I didn't want to play video games. Also, I have almost finished Angel Season 5, and just kind of got sick of sitting on the couch being sick. So, naturally, I came downstairs, fired up the old lappy and got my browse on. After catching up on SMBC, XKCD and checking to see if our episode of Take On The Machine had aired yet, I decided to get on here and catch things up. Hence the me being here.

So, I'm blasting the Ben Folds* (Tiny Dancer, if you were wondering), chatting it up on Pidgin and feeling pretty good. We transformed the 2nd bedroom in our super swanky apartment into our control room. It's pretty hi-tech. It even has a TV/DVD/VCR combo. That's right, be impressed.

I opened up a new blog window, typed in a cool title, then without thinking my overweight, chubby pinkie decided to strike the 'enter' key, causing my post to immediately publish without any content. It was all downhill from there, resulting in what we have here now.

So now, there's no cohesive, unifying theme. There's no social commentary. And I'm not even going to mention the midterm elections. Instead, I'm going to break it down for a minute and say thanks for reading. Seriously. I love nothing more than writing, and hope to one day be payed for it. Which, yes, may be code for saying I'm a slightly lazy, educated, underachieving male unhappy with his current employment status. But, mark my words, it'll happen.

So thanks for taking the time to visit and subject yourselves to my thoughts, it sure means a lot. And here's to hoping, for your sake, that these suckers start to be better!

Much love Bloggerians -

John Wesley

Addiction, Wharff Style

So, one of the coolest things about me (of which there are a ton) is the fact that I latch on to things. A lot. For some reason, I get something lodged in my brain, and then can't get it out for anywhere from 1 day to 3 months. It's really the best ever. Let me explain.

Recently, I decided to listen to some Ben Folds, completely out of the blue. I have now not listened to anything else at work for the last week and a half. (Except for some 8-bit jams, even I have to take a break once and again) Also, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World has taken over every other part of my life. I have now purchased the video games, memorized the soundtracks, bought all of the graphic novels and finished them. Twice.

I know, I know. You're probably overwhelmed by my awesomeness right now. And I do have to say, all-in-all, this is a pretty worthless post. I just wanted you to know.

Love you!

- John Wesley

Art = Crap

So, I have developed a new theory. The new theory, as made extremely obvious by my post title, is that art is crap. Now, before I get lynched by the Liberal Arts Campaign, please allow me a moment to explain myself. Thank you.

First, let me clarify that making art is not crap. It is a really awesome outlet for people, both troubled and untroubled. Just imagine how many ears Van Gogh would have ended up with if he had never been allowed to paint. It also is a vehicle for lots of people to express themselves, which I am totally down with. Being a person who likes to pour his thoughts and emotions onto paper, I can understand that aspect of art all too well. (But, just for the record, I also think "classic literature" is crap. That's another post.)

I also appreciate the art history aspect of art. I think it is very interesting that you can literally track entire peoples and societies through their art. It's almost like a window into the lives of the individuals throughout time.

But enough apologies. I obviously came here for a reason. And that reason is that art, in being what is more broadly considered an "art" like poetry, music and drama, is a completely arbitrary thing. Who the heck decides what good art is and what bad art is? And for that matter, why do they get to decide?

Let's take, for an example, Mr. Pablo Picasso. The reason Picasso is so famous is that he was an extremely well-trained classical artist, who decided to instead skew all proportions and sense from his paintings. Now, one of his paintings sold for $49,500,000. So let me break that down for you. He was trained in what was the "correct" way of drawing and painting for the time, rejected all of that, made a bunch of cubey, blob-shaped people and became famous? It might be one of the very few jobs ever where you can become revered for doing things very poorly.

Now once again, I'm not attacking Picasso himself. He was probably a pretty cool guy. And I'm all about shaking up the rules. But to illustrate my point, how much would you pay for a Picasso if it didn't have Picasso's name on it? What if it said "Wharff" instead? Then what is considered an amazing piece of art suddenly becomes a really bad painting by some weirdo.

Maybe this anger stems from my disdain for the way society seems to work far too often. Or maybe it stems from the complete lack of any artistic skill I possess. Either way, I believe that art is crap. And don't even get me started on modern art.

Much love blogosphere!

- Wharff

The Cobwebs of Boredom

Have you ever had one of those days? The kind where you sleep in way longer than any sane/healthy person should? Then you spend the rest of the day, slinking* around the house, doing absolutely nothing productive at all. When the sun finally decides to bid the fair state of Utah adieu by dipping behind the mountains, you sit up and think, "What the hell did I just do to myself?"

[*slinking differs from normal movement around the house in that at least 92% of it is in some form reclined]

It's much like falling asleep next to a heating unit (my parents fireplace is the example I will use, based on previous experience). While you're lying there, dozing off, things can't get much better. You think, "Dang! This is like being in a cocoon of warmth and comfort!". Then you wake up, lips chapped, body screaming from the heat. It's like a sunburn without the blisters or day at the beach. Misery.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I convince myself, "All I want to do this weekend is be lazy. I just need a break."? Why do I so twist the week's events, that I am convinced the only way I could possibly recover is to veg out in front of the TV, Video Game, or bedroom wall? Let me tell you why:

I am a chump. Not in a specific sense, but in the broad, sweeping sense that we're all chumps. That's right, you too. We have all convinced ourselves that "work" equals "sadness, suicide contemplation, and funny smells". But I say unto all of us, nay.

Let us rise up. Let our voices be heard. Let's unify together, and set this night ablaze. Let us here make pact and contract to ne'er again curse the value of a good sweat, or "glisten" for the ladies. Let's dedicate ourselves to spending the weekend with every bit of intensity and fiery passion that our day-to-day lives have made tired. Let us remove our chip and cookie covered torsos from the lying down of death and despair!

And in all seriousness, I'm just kinda bummed I wasted an entire Sunday.

Much love to all you lovers -

John Wesley

DOUBLE POST!

It took me so long to get out v 2.0 of the last post, and it didn't shake out exactly the way I wanted, so I thought I would throw in a bonus post here. That's right faithful readers, this one goes out directly to you.

First things first, if you haven't seen Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, shame on you. Go post haste and partake. You will not regret it. I will accept thanks in the form of text messages or e-mails for recommending it. Don't worry, that's just one free service I provide.

Second things second, I promise solemnly here and now, that I will faithfully post at least 2 times a week henceforth. (for those of you who see me everyday, feel free to gently remind of this solemn promise)

Much love blog world, and see you soon!

Why I'm a Nerd v 2.0

Alright, so this could very easily run off the rails right at the very beginning. I am going to try to make a concise list of a few nerdy things that I really enjoy. Unfortunately (more for you than for me) I like a lot of nerdy things, and usually have a lot to say. I will try not to make this forever long though, for the children.

1. In Joss I Trust -

Anything made by Joss Whedon could basically be melted down and crafted into precious items worth millions of dollars. And I mean anything. Some of his greatest hits include: Firefly the series and the subsequent movie Serenity; Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog; Buffy The Vampire Slayer and spinoff Angel; and for those who still doubt, he just so happened to be a contributing writer on a little movie called Toy Story. So suck it. Seriously, lots of these shows have super negative feelings to them just because of silly prejudices. If you have never sat down and tried one, do it. You will see he has a level of character building and storytelling that is hard to find in any form of popular media.

2. STAR WARS -

This might not even really rank too high on the list of nerdy things anymore. 33 years and multiple million dollar revenue streams later the Star Wars universe is pretty common. This movie really helped to shape a lot of my young life, and was very much the standard that I held things up to for many years. Sure, now the lightsaber fights are a little hinky, and the effects are dated (even if they hold up surprising well...try watching movies made even 5 years ago that don't hold up) but the story was a sweeping epic that might well be what lit the fire of storytelling that I enjoy today, and touched, and will touch, the lives of people all over the world for generations.

3. Graphic Novels & Comic Books (Yes, there's a difference...Google it) -

For the most part, comic books and graphic novels are seen as a juvenile substitute for actually reading books, basically easier to read and more visually stimulating. It took me a while in life to really embrace this form, but once I started I immediately became immersed in a world of amazing stories of characters I grew to love. I completely suck at drawing, no matter the format. To see people tell stories just through characters facial expression, body posture, etc. blew my mind. If you want a good list of where to jump into graphic novels, shoot me a message. I've got a fat list waiting for you.

4. Science Rocks -

Most people get out of high school level science classes and never look back. Other people enjoy dabbling in a little biology or chemistry here and there. And yet other people keep and treasure textbooks from years long past to read and study. Something about science just captivates me, and it has ever since I was a child. Maybe it just boils down to a basic fascination with life itself, but I love figuring out the mysteries of the universe, even if someone else found the answers hundreds of years ago.